Anaconda Review: Big Names, Bigger Letdown In This Misfired Remake

Anaconda movie review: It’s not as if only Bollywood or the South Indian film industries are guilty of churning out bad films or lazy remakes. Hollywood, too, has been enthusiastically joining that club lately — and Anaconda is a prime example. Watching this film leaves you wondering why it was made in the first place. In its attempt to be a comedy, it ends up becoming the butt of its own joke, and by the end, you’re more annoyed with yourself for sitting through it than entertained.

Anaconda story

Much like aspiring filmmakers from Bandra or Borivali, four friends decide to make a film simply because they have nothing better to do. But instead of attempting something original, they choose the Bollywood route — a remake of the 1997 cult creature film Anaconda. The twist? There’s barely any budget, no big star has eaten into the finances, and yet the money is still missing. During the chaos of shooting this low-budget remake, the team somehow stumbles upon a real anaconda. What follows is supposed to be the crux of the story.

How is Anaconda?

The first half is largely filler — endless planning, pointless conversations, and a whole lot of nothing happening. Just when you expect the second half to finally deliver something exciting, the film simply ends. It’s reminiscent of Ekta Kapoor’s TV serials where Mihir is about to be shot, the bullet is mid-air, and the episode abruptly cuts to credits. The difference is, Ekta at least throws in some drama and spice. Here, even that is missing.

The anaconda itself barely makes an appearance. In fact, Kartik Aaryan has probably flaunted his six-pack abs more times in Tu Mera Main Tera than this snake appears on screen. The creature is dispatched so quickly that before you can even kill a cockroach, the anaconda is already gone. Overall, the film is a major disappointment.

Performances

Paul Rudd, Jack Black, Steve Zahn, and Thandiwe Newton all put in sincere efforts. Unfortunately, strong performances can’t rescue a film that lacks substance at its core. The problem isn’t the actors — it’s the material they’re given.

Writing & direction

The writing by Tom Gormican and Kevin Etten is painfully weak. Not a single joke truly lands, and there’s zero emotional engagement. Tom Gormican’s direction is strictly average, offering nothing memorable or inventive to elevate the script.

Verdict

If you’re looking for entertainment, you’re better off revisiting old episodes of Naagin. They offer more thrills, drama, and unintentional laughs than Anaconda manages in its entire runtime.