Psychologist Lilly Jay is taking ownership of “the sudden public downfall” of her marriage to actor Ethan Slater, a year after their divorce and his romance with “Wicked” co-star Ariana Grande became tabloid fodder.
“This, I tell myself, is nothing to be ashamed of and nothing to hide,” Jay writes in an essay published Thursday in the Cut. “Slowly but surely, I have come to believe that in the absence of the life I planned with my high-school sweetheart, a lifetime of sweetness is waiting for me and my child.”
In her essay, Jay gets candid about having “a window into her life pried open” for the public — and her therapy patients — to see. In summer 2023, pop diva Grande and Slater sparked dating rumors shortly after news broke that the “Yes, And?” singer was divorcing real estate broker Dalton Gomez after two years of marriage.
Grande and Slater, a Tony-nominated Broadway star known for the “SpongeBob SquarePants” musical, began filming the first half of Jon M. Chu’s “Wicked” in the United Kingdom in early 2023. The film stars Grande as Glinda and Slater as Boq, a Munchkin friend at Shiz University.
Jay does not name either Slater or Grande, but reveals she “moved to another country” with their 2-month-old child (they welcomed a baby in late 2022) and her ex to “support his career.” At the time, she says, “I didn’t understand the growing distance between us.”
Slater filed to divorce Jay the same month that news of Grande’s split with Gomez split broke.
Her essay doesn’t delve into much detail about Slater and Grande’s relationship or how that played out, but she says she and her ex-husband remain committed to co-parenting their son, whom they love “fiercely.” The exes finalized their divorce in September, months into the tireless publicity campaign for “Wicked,” which also stars Cynthia Erivo as Elphaba.
While time with her baby boy brings her light and joy, Jay writes, “Days when I can’t escape the promotion of a movie associated with the saddest day of my life are darker.”
Chu’s first “Wicked” film opened with $114 million at the domestic box office and has since gained awards season traction. The second film, titled “Wicked: For Good,” is set for a November 2025 release date and holds promise (and maybe space) for yet another ubiquitous and viral promotional campaign. Clearly, it’ll take some time for the magic of “Wicked” to fade from Hollywood.
In her essay, Jay also contemplates whether headlines about her divorce affected her career opportunities and relationships with patients. Ultimately, Jay writes, she’s come to accept her spot in the public eye and hopes her experience will be a boon in her therapy work.
“I can start hearing myself when I tell patients that avoidance maintains fear,” she writes, “and maybe it’s time to accept that I’m not unknown anymore.”
Jay also apologizes to patients that the public fallout with Slater disrupted a boundary she’s worked to maintain, and reminds them they are “much stronger” than they might think.
She continues: “Some of what you loved most about your partner was actually your own goodness reflected back to you; it’s yours to keep and carry forward.”
